Joke Teaching Fail

Zoë - "Knock, knock."
Justin - "Who's there."
Zoë - "Blue, Blue."
Justin - "Blue, blue who?"
Zoë - "Ba da da, it's a banana!!!"

-J

My Injuries Just Aren’t Pitiable Enough.

Justin:
September – left ankle sprain – Bad, three month recovery time
November – right ankle sprain – Moderate, four week recovery time
November – right shoulder dislocation – Moderate, four week recovery time
February – left ankle sprain – Moderate, six week recovery time

Bonny:
November – right knee ACL+ – Horrible, nine month recovery time + two months to figure out all of what was wrong.

Randall:
February – left ankle double break – Destroyed, six month recovery time
February – left shoulder break – Bad, three month recovery time

See. SEE!!! Maybe you felt a little bad for me at the beginning, but by the end, I’m not even an afterthought. Seems there was something about this in our recent lesson on Cain… Hmm… Don’t be self-centered? Naw, that can’t be right. :p

-J

I think, I have stink on my fingers.

Now, normally, that would be my cue to say, "Alright honey, I'm heading out the door. Be back around ten." Sadly, under the circumstances, I must become detective. I must first identify the stink, then find the source, clean the fingers, clean the source, redress the child, set her at the new table to eat only to say. "Zoë...did you...why...I...COME HERE!"

"How did you even get poop on your nose?"

"I was smelling my fingers."

...having problems focusing at work today. :)

-J

Finally got the kid's picnic table...

We were aiming to get one quite a while ago, but (even though it was summer) the stores were already switching to winter gear. So, now they're selling spring and summer stuff. It normally sells for $89. But the store had it $20 off and I had a $20 coupon. So, $49. Not bad.

Finished assembling it after the kids were in bed (though Jason tried it out after a bathroom visit). I think they'll like it. I think it will fit them better too. Probably be easier to clean. And who knows...maybe they won't break it. :)



-J

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... Oh ... I mean, yes sir.

I've been ordered onto mandatory overtime.

-J

Double post if you check my twitter.

Why does she do it?

I wish I knew why Zoë defiled her food. I nuked some frozen chicken biscuits for breakfast today. (We're doing quick to prepare food these days, as free time is short.) Well, a while later Jason informed me that he didn't like how they tasted. I tasted one, and they certainly weren't good, but they weren't awful either. I told him to give it a try. So, a while later, they still informed me they were not good. So, we tried some yogurt. I proceeded to eat Jason's castoff sandwich. I then took a bite from Zoë's at which point she informed me that she was going to eat it.

Okay, you said you didn't like it and wanted yogurt when I was getting Jason some, but if you're going to eat it, then by all means... So, I gave it back. I called the insurance company (a task that I was quite lucky only took about 20 minutes) and then went back to the kitchen. Zoë had eaten no more of her sandwich, but she had coated it in raspberry yogurt. Needless to say, I was more than upset. I set her at the table and told her that she was to sit there until she had eaten it. "Maybe I don't want to eat it." "Well, you know what. I would have eaten it, but you messed it up. You made it, you're going to eat it." I then went to make yet another phone call. This one about FMLA. (I hate how many phone calls you have to make when you have an emergency or surgery. Kinda busy right now. Can I make the 400 phone calls after things have settled down a bit?) So, back in the kitchen, I discover that she did not stay in her seat, and she did not eat the sandwich. She threw it away... Oh...I thought about still making her eat it...

I stood her in a corner while I took my shower. I had a talking with her... Afterwards, she was pretty sure she needed cookies.

/sigh

Ah well, off to work. Going to try and get two or three hours in...at least read emails.

-J

Post 400!!!

Zoë - "I'm coming with you."
Justin - "I'm just getting tape. Stay out."
Zoë - "I'm gonna climb down."
Justin - "No, stay out."
Zoë - "What is stay out?"
Justin - "Stay out means if you come in you get spankings."
Zoë - "Stay out makes me angry."
Justin - "Stay out makes you angry?"
Zoë - "Yes, angry at my balloons."

-J

The end of the day...

Or the beginning, I suppose...

Bonny's surgery went well. She had one replacement part and a trimmed original part. Expected to be on crutches for a few weeks. Slept most of today. I expect will sleep most of tomorrow.

I'm gonna go pretend I can sleep now...even though I know I just set an alarm for 2am...to wake Bonny for more pain meds...

Kids are confused as to why they can't see mommy unescorted. I have to take them one at a time, just in case I can to catch one before a hop on mop moment.

Bonny will hopefully be crutching around the house Wednesday. I may even get back to work that day.

Sweet dreams?

-J

hyperitis

I was talking with my doctor and asked if she gets a lot of people self diagnosing off the web. “Oh, yes.”, with a grim knowing look. “Sometimes I have to do tests just to prove that they are wrong.”

I on the other hand like to go to the doctor and let them make me paranoid, rather than making it up on my own.

IBS
Bursitis
Hypertension

I suppose as long as I don’t get bonitis, I’ll be okay. I’ve seen someone die from that. It wasn’t pretty.

-Justin

It's probably our fault...

For starters, we don't have a baby monitor in the bathroom.

Apparently, Zoë tried to make it to the bathroom in the morning, but didn't quite make it. (I'm beginning to think she's allergic to red dye number 40. It seems to clean her out.) So, she made a mess in her pants, but she made it worse, by trying to take the pants off. That made a mess of the bathroom rug, but she mad it worse, trying to clean it up herself. She then got on the toilet. I don't know how long she sat there, but it must have been a while. I don't know if she called for us, but we were in bed and the baby monitors are in their room. We might not have heard her.

I had a brief discussion with her, reminding her that she should get mom and dad to help.

It's probably our fault. Just yesterday we saw a book, "The Moose with Loose Poops". Perhaps we should have ordered it.

-J

I'm in denial...

Out of order

I wrote a post on the 15th and saved it as a draft, but I just got around to adding the picture and publishing it on the blog today. Little did I know it would still post as if I had posted it on the 15th. So, be sure to scroll down to Octo-dogs & shells, so you don't miss it.

I'm just... I think...

For some reason Zoë started prefixing her statements with things like "I'm just" or "I think". Jason is picking up the habit. Two micro-conversations:

---

Zoë - "I think there's poop on my foot."
Justin - "Really? You think? You don't know...you just think."

---

Justin - "Jason, can you please stop."
Jason - "I'm just jumping on your head."

---

-J

Video Games

Am I corrupting my children early?

Perhaps, but I really like these games. Especially, I can play Jason's game with him, and by tweaking difficulties, we are actually pretty evenly matched (as long as I don't use sliders).

I played with Zoë on her game. They have an adult helper feature, but she's advanced too far beyond me. She's made it all the way to level 4. She's actually not as into the video games as is Jason, but she's so much better at them. It's funny. The PS2 controllers are not that big, but Zoë palms the left joystick, to walk around.

Jason's game.
Zoë's game.

Octo-dogs and Shells

Weird. Fun, but weird. The kids were excited by them anyway. Justin was much less exuberant when I brought him his.

Hot dogs, goldfish crackers, and shell pasta= octo-party!!

So it begins. . .

So, during church this evening Jason looks across the way and notices someone he hasn't seen before.

Jason: Daddy, who's that? (pointing to the littlest girl of a visiting family)

Daddy: I don't know.

Jason: She's lookin' pretty.

I hear this story this evening right before supper, so I had to inquire about it.

Mommy: Jason, did you see a pretty girl at church?

Jason: (sheepishly) yeah..

Mommy: Did you say hi to her?

Jason: No, I hide from her.

Jason “Money Magnet” Carrell

So, we went to Wal-Mart today. Jason and Zoë each used their monies to buy one toy each and one valentine’s day give for Bonny each. I found matching games and (since Cootie is fun but 1000 games of Cootie is burdensome) I bought two. I got a Spiderman and Friends one and a Disney Princess one. So, we played a 144 card (mixed deck) game of memory. Jason did extremely well. Zoë did well, but tuckered out and went down for a nap part way through. Afterwards, Jason was still raring to go. So, he asked to go for a walk. He with nunchucks (the toy he bought earlier) and I with a katana; we roamed the streets at twilight.

Well, we didn’t really roam. He was heading back to Wal-Mart. (A decent walk for a three year old.) So, we roam around in Wal-Mart. I decide to get some new exercise shorts. I get up to self checkout, and am annoyed that at the sign “No Cash / No Cash Return”. We’ve been trying to limit our bank access by getting cash out every two weeks and using that for regular purchases. Well, they were only five bucks; so, I decide to just use my debit card and I’ll sort it out later. I pull out my twenties and pull the debit card out of the middle of them. I’m checking out and Jason hands me a twenty. “Oh, dude! Did I drop that?” “Yeah, daddy. You dropped it in there.” Well, he pointed to the cash return. “Uhm…” So, I count my bills and I still have all mine. He has just pulled a twenty out of the machine that has no cash, nor can it return cash. So, I tell the cashier, “I think my son just pulled a twenty out of that machine. Did someone just check out there?” “Sir, that machine doesn’t have cash in it.” “Uhm, okay. Still, he got the twenty while standing right there. So, even if it was on the ground, it might be the last person that checked out there.” I’ll spare you the agonizing details of trying to rationalize with this person. The long and the short of it is she said, “If you don’t want it; I’ll take it.” I then thought something unfit for the blog…funny…but unfit for the blog.

Point is; this kid has found more money in his life than I have.

-J

Cupcakes for EVERYONE!!! . . . to look at . . .

Here are the cupcakes I made for Justin to take to work for Valentine's Day. Of course, you already know that story. . .

If its of interest to anyone, I recently updated the photo gallery of my cake website.

http://www.freewebs.com/clevercakes

You know what???

I didn't get a cupcake either.

Oooooooooohhhhhhh...

I gave Jason my old leather pouch to put his quarters in, for a trip to the store. (Take that; every English teacher I've ever had.) I then put my red plastic coin pouch up on the entertainment center.

Jason - "Daddy, do you have my ... Uh... Do you have ... Uhm ... Do you have that?"
Justin - "Yeah."
Jason - "I want to hold it."
Justin - "Oh, it won't work, dude. It's very small. You have so many quarters, they won't fit."
[Jason looked a little sad, but then his face brightened.]
Jason - "Ooooooohhhhh..."

Too many quarters...that was a problem he could deal with.

Butterfly Cup Cakes

Bonny made some cool butterfly cupcakes. The first batch was 15, and I took them to work. When Zoë informed Jason, they woke up Bonny and told her all about the butterfly cupcakes and how daddy took them to work and they didn't get any.

Well, she worked on a second batch and they got some cupcakes.

Later, Jason was pretty sure he needed more cupcakes.

Jason - "I want cake."
Bonny - "I bet you do."
Jason - "I'm gonna go get it."
Bonny - "Hey."
[Jason still slowly walking away.]
Bonny - "Heeeeeeyyyy, get back here."

Comments...

Bonny was working on the couch, drawing patterns. Zoë was confusing the couch for a trampoline. She told Zoë, with a raised tone, to get down. Zoë got down, but gave her a slanted look. Then she turned to Jason and said (for Bonny's benefit), "She yells at us a lot. She must not like us very much."

Cutting...

She didn't mean it, but rather was...I suppose doing the female version of bristling.

I seem to recall Jeremy and I having similar harshnesses which we thought were jokes...

It's interesting watching them grow up. I think Zoë and I are going to have a discussion this weekend.

Jason's challenges are easier to see. We just growl at each other. :p

-J

Jason, what do you want for breakfast...

"Oaks, appes, eggs, cereal, gravy, bisticks."

Ah, you just want a snack then...

Yeah, I'm a thief...

I saw that Stan had a twitter feed on his website. I tried to steal it, but it didn't work. I don't get to check Ken's website often, because it's blocked at work. Well, he has a twitter feed, and I was able to steal that. It's over there to the right. So, now if you're too lazy to go to blogspot and twitter, you can see the latest tweets to the right. I also put up a permalink to watchman digest above that.

I may tweak the font later, it's a bit big.

-J

Sympathy

I don't know if it's for Bonny or dad, but Jason informed us today that he fell off of his bike and hurt his leg really bad.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Dumpster Divers

Well, not really dumpsters.

I remember growing up in the country. When something was no longer of use, and it was too big to burn on the trash fire, you put it out in the yard. You were not offering it to the world, because, by the time you were willing to throw it out, it was of no use to anyone. Rather, you decorated your yard with furniture of yore.

In the city, however, they throw away perfectly good stuff all the time. When do they do it? The day after trash day. This allows a full week for everyone to peruse your oversized garbage and pick it clean. Unless it’s just rotted fence boards; normally, by next trash day, it’s all gone. People throw out TVs because a button’s missing. People throw out computer monitors just because they bought a new one. People throw out three perfectly good chairs because the fourth one is broken.

So, I went on a walk yesterday, with the kids. We were looking for lightening. There was plenty to see and they informed me that thunder was scary (but I think it was just a game). They actually seemed more scared of the wind. Looking for lightening…but we came back with a perfectly undamaged hamper and a barely scratched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles katana. The batteries were dead, but I didn’t really care to have it making noise anyhow.

Jason, naturally, loves it.

-J

CRACK...it's a homerun...

Oh, no wait...it's Zoë's head.

Jason had one of my old whittling sticks. He knows full well he's not allowed to hit anyone, much less anything, with it. Nevertheless, into the office comes Zoë, forehead bleeding. (Don't worry, it's not as bad as you're picturing.)

Bonny - "Zoë, what's wrong? Did you fall and hit your head?"
Zoë - "WHAAAAAA!!!"
Bonny - "Did you hit your head? Show me what you hit your head on?"
Zoë - "WHAAAAAA!!!"
[They head to the front room. Jason is there also crying (probably because he knew he was fixing to be in trouble).]
[Zoë goes over and points to the whittling stick. (just to give you and idea; about twenty inches long and one inch in diameter)]
Bonny - "JASON! Did you hit Zoë with that?"
Jason - "Whaaaaahuhu nooooohohoho."
Bonny - "Zoë, did he hit you with that?"
Zoë - "Whaaaaahaha yeeeeeeeshesheshes."
Bonny - "Jason, did you hit her?"
Jason - "Whaaaaahuhu yeeeeshesheshes."
Bonny - "Was it an accident?"
Jason - "Whaaaaahuhu yeeeeshesheshes."
Zoë - "Whaaaahaha purpuhuhuhuse."
Bonny - "Jason, did you do it on purpose?"
Jason - "Whaaaaahuhu yeeeeshesheshes. Zohohee hit me with a boohoohoohook."
Bonny - "Zoë, did you hit Jason with a book?"
Zoë - "Whaaaahaha, Jahason hihit my head."
Bonny - "Did you hit Jason with a book?"
Zoë - "Whaaaahaha, yeeeeeshesheshes."

So, the Donatello stick is in the garage, and they've both been talked to and otherwise punished. The story above may have sufferred in translation, but it is close. I think we may have to draft a helper or two to give Bonny some relaxation time, especially when the surgery comes around, but probably before hand too. I speak from experience; surgery when well rested is far happier than surgery when exhausted.

-J

A brief post about dad...

For those that havn't heard; my dad was in a motorcycle accident. He has some broken bones. He's been through surgery and will now have more excitement at the airport metal detectors. He's doing as well as can be expected.

-J

Why aren't you posting?

I'm tired and stressed and busy...I'm not writing letters either. I need to write the birthmothers letters. I need to write Grandma a letter. I need to do my taxes...pay my medical bills...sleep...

But more than all this!!!

I need to take some pictures. Jason's almost six feet tall now.

All though I did measure him when he was standing on the dining room table...

Hmm...

Well, anyhow. Maybe I'll get some pictures tonight. We're supposed to take the Christmas tree down...

Yes, I know it's February...I can't help it if you have no Christmas spirit...

I'm not even sure the camera has batteries. Perhaps I should give the birthmother's the url to the blog. Hmm...

Coffee break's over...

-J